So much time has passed...so many hours have gone by since I first wrote the two entries here. I have spent hours trying to find my way on this journey I have begun. It is true that ruin does lead to transformation. When everything that you have valued has been torn into pieces, you have to cease to exist or find a new beginning...another new beginning. Once again, it was a complete surprise. I simply walked into a building one day and found myself. It did not happen that quickly. I remember opening the door and the minute I stepped inside I felt like I had come home. Puzzled by this feeling, I kept it to myself like a hidden treasure. I knew there was something waiting for me, but only time would unveil what it was. I kept returning...spending more and more time. I meant the people. I memorized the sounds and smells. I tasted not only the food and drinks but also everything that I could absorb. I was given time to read, relax, rest, but, most of all, just exist and be myself away from everything that had been apart of my life for so many years. It is still a mystery to me, but I no longer try to figure out why I feel this way. I simply accept it. I am thankful for it...more thankful than I can express. It has given me what I needed. And what was waiting for me? Myself. I needed the time to get acquainted with who I really am. All my life I had spent time focusing on other people and their needs. Now it was time for me to meet myself. And at the end of this day, I reflect. I now know myself better than I every have. I am happy with myself. I like who I am. I am not perfect. There are a lot of things that I need to change and I will, but today I am okay with me. At the end of this day, I am my own best friend.

     Everyone has had new beginnings in their life....a first word, first step, first day of school, first love. The list is endless for all of us, and, yet, we forget to celebrate them almost as soon as they have been accomplished. Most of these beginnings we make by choice. Others sneak up on us. Some we embrace with open arms and remember for years to come. Can you ever forget the day you became a parent?  Others we suffer through such as a divorce. The emotional storm inside us can easily rob us of the ability to function at times so much so that it hides the few positive things happening in our life.  One of these...a new beginning. One of the things that I think we forget is this. Morning is not the only time for a new beginning. At any time during the day we can stop, forget the mistake we just made, and begin anew. How blessed we are at times to be human. We are able to choose to change. We can let that past failure go and make a new start in our lives.  But the beginnings I like the most are the ones that quietly stalk us. They ever so quietly sneak up behind us. They do not announce their arrival nor do they ask our permission.They are setting off a chain of events that will turn our lives upside down. No apology will be given for the pain that they will cause nor will they ask for thanks for the benefits we will reap. We have the ability to choose how we will handle this time. It will undoubtedly be uncomfortable at the least, but, as we journey along, the rewards we reap will overwhelming outnumber any discomfort or pain we may have had. It will be worth it....at the end of the day.

At the end of the day.....
     I have a new beginning. A beginning I will choose. Some beginnings are chosen for us, but not this one. I will choose to write....something I have never wanted to do. Today, however, the urge became so strong, it overwhelmed me. It gave me no choice. So today I will write. A new beginning... at the end of this day.